The Night Lake: Where it All Begins
“If you carry my cobwebs in smoky autumn air, I’ll walk the mist of country afternoons to swirl your curly hair.
Inhale your solemn voice, darling, it’s full of blues and fallen leaves.
Take me further on the road, world, I’ll count the stones in my shoes I owe adventures.
I carry a heart full of feathers and wind.
My rhythm is that of the seven seas.
I hold pockets full of time, trade it by the side of the road.
For sticks and stones.
My heart’s been broken and so have my bones.
I’ll build a boat for your fears and set them afloat, on a blazing fire, an ancestral altar for my old gods of Baltic seas.
Death and I walk the same rope, sometimes it holds my hands, follows me through dark October nights.
We join each other walking on tombstones and the stars.
I’m no longer afraid of the dark.”
It was back in late October, where it all begins. I wrote this poem after a walk we took with John, to a lake in the forest. We took my camera and a tripod and walked fields and paths until we got to this beautiful little pond surrounded by the trees, just resting on a calm, brisk autumn eve. We stood the camera and let it capture us. These are the first photographs that we have of us together, that are not iPhone selfies. And they're so precious. I then took the camera looking to frame that blue hour beauty. John stood solemnly, overlooking the light reflect back from the lake. It made my heart skip a beat.
That pause is what I look for when I hold my camera. It's what takes me to drawing, to poetry, to photography. It's what gives me life, and what excites me about life. It's the spark that flames my cauldron of creativity. The pool of imagination provides the water. And on we go. I had been going through one of the many winters of my passion for photography, giving far more time to drawing and poetry, to finding my own thoughts and style in these forms of creativity. But my heart always misses photography. Since long before I even held a camera I studied the world and practiced the art of capturing life in a single image. I look into the world, with awe-filled eyes, piercing the dark, seeking out the light - and embracing it in a gentle skip of a heart. I studied light, shadows, colour, reflections, faces, bodies, movements, emotions, people's eyes. I composed images in my own mind, I kept a fair few with me, I still remember them. They're photographs that never existed and never will, but they're there - clear as day - in my mind.
My love for photography is deep-rooted and was always there with me, whatever I chose to do with my life. But not long ago I began creating myself a safe space, a space to hibernate and turn into myself, to ask myself questions and figure out answers - to understand my sole purpose in my creative & career life, and the way to go forward. What to cut lose, what to work harder on, where to aim. John has been there with me all this way, guarding my space to think, to incubate. He's been my solid rock, and the best cheer section a girl could ask for in this world. Believing in me fully and unconditionally, every step of the way. And I am so beyond grateful for his gentle reminders to keep my chin up, carry on working and remember everything takes time. And not allowing me to compare myself to other people and how far ahead of me they seem to be. Always reminding that everyone lives in their own kind of time.
So with this time I've allowed myself, I realised what I wanted to do was always there. Photography. It's my life-long passion. And it means the world to me. It's always been how I see the world. It's a gift that I can give to others - to share the way I see them, their beauty, their energy, their stories. I want to give this gift to as many people as I can. As these stories are a gift to me. A gift of life. A gift of experience, of wonder, of living love. A life truly lived for me is that in which we share ourselves, who we truly are with the world, and allow others to share with us.
Photographing people, and especially people in love is capturing life being lived. Allowing it to unfold in front of us and leave an imprint on our hearts. And to create something that will forever bear a reminder of that life we have lived.
I want to dedicate my heart and soul to telling the story of your life and love.